What to Expect When You’re Expat-ing

Living abroad is a constant battle between: Do as you’ve always done or do as the locals do. This choice is not as easy or straightforward as you might think so I’m giving you a few nuggets I’ve gathered along the way.

Comfort Zones are Not Why You Moved

Likely you never said to yourself: “I want to move 5k miles across the ocean to eat at Applebees and learn English”. You will have to re-center your family and your mind with your “why” many many times over. Opportunities will present themselves on any given day: navigate a conversation in a foreign language at a dinner table with new people or have a coffee with a new expat friend from Oklahoma. The latter is easier and likely more “fun” in the short term. The former is possibly more enriching. You don’t always have to stretch yourself but you do owe it to your experience to check back in with your “why”.

Adding to the challenge: Most Spaniards have lived in their hometown all their life. This means that they don’t know what it’s like to be an outsider nor how to recognize a newcomer. You are going to have to make moves to integrate yourself and create community. One of my expat friends here has a true talent for this. She has befriended the “lettuce guy” at the market, the chefs at her local restaurants, and everyone in her path. It’s 20% because she’s outgoing and 80% because she makes an effort. She asks lots of questions, brings along thoughtful gifts as tokens of thanks, asks for phone numbers, and patronizes local businesses. She makes it look easy but it’s a fine art: equal parts courage and habit.

Take Your Time

Don’t worry…you will make expat friends very quickly. Before you put all of your eggs in one basket – vet your hens.

Everyone’s Experience Works for Them

You Will Make Forever Friends

Living abroad is a bonding experience. This experience can truly only be understood by people that have lived it. When you long for Thanksgiving turkey – your people make room for you at their table. When you can’t find ingredients, the US consulate, need a babysitter, optometrist – you name it, they are there and willing.

In a foreign country, far away from those you love, friends quickly become family and expat relationships are fast tracked. We care for each other’s children and love them like our own because we need each other in a deeper way.

I can’t quite find the words to express my love and gratitude for some of the friends I’ve met on this journey. There’s a reason nobody talks about Fight Club – you don’t get it until you do.

Try Not to Be a Homeland Hater

Being bonded by a hatred for the US is not healthy. Those conversations are tired and most expats have likely had some of the same revelations/observations or they wouldn’t be here. Europe has its own set of flaws. Don’t get too caught up in what you hate nor what you miss. We plan to return to the US and I don’t want my kids drinking elitist poison or believing that we aren’t proud Americans.

Take Language Classes

This is so important. You can’t be in a foreign country and not try to speak their language. Too many expats lose hope or stop trying. You can live anywhere and not speak the language but you will not have the same experience as those that try. The beautiful part: You don’t have to be good – it’s all about effort.

Friend Buffets

There are lots of Expat Facebook groups. For Moms, Americans, business owners, Aussies, left-handed parakeet breeders – you name it. While there is useful information on these pages, be wary. Lots of people on these groups are no longer living in the country and some never even came – they were just traveling and wanted the inside info. When I was planning our move from the US and grasping at straws, I relied WAY too much on these groups. Now that I’ve lived here – I know that about half of those social media trolls are using old intel and are complete horse sh*t.

The Secret’s Not Out

Expats are Transient

Some families are on a 6 month sabbatical and some people are here indefinitely. Expats are rare birds – always migrating, moving, and shaking. If you’re ready to be a part of this community – get used to goodbyes and lots of “hasta la vista”s.
Your experience will be what you make it. I promise that it will not be without a little comparing, a lot of language fumbles, mistakes, stories, laughs, struggles and triumphs. The expat community is a wonderful part of the living abroad and a welcome “bonus chapter” to our story of life in Spain.